Life is about making love.
What does that sentence convey?
It is a thought I have been meditating on.
Sexual energy, intimacy, union have been core parts of my life for a long time, as I’m sure they are for many too. As a child there were images of idyllic romance and exaggerated sometimes odd scenes of love making flashed across the telly, and I would think: how embarrassing. That pretty much sums up my reaction to sex and physical intimacy as a child and teen. I was freaked. It felt also shameful. So, I was quite happy to play with the idea of being a nun for a while, and stuck to studying. My mum faithfully talked me through the proper precautions to all such sexual activities before I left home to university, during which I thought: no I can’t see how I’m actually going to go through with this. What was it that put me off? Disconnection with myself, the shameful female organs, and a lack of confidence that I have any idea what I’m doing.
I jumped around with the idea as I dated various guys, dipped my toe in a couple of times, and then got painfully heart broken. So again, I found myself considering perhaps it’s safer to hold this part of me back. Nevertheless, what I haven’t already mentioned to you is that from year 9 or 10 of my current human existence I could feel the pulse of an energy moving through me, and it was most definitely sexual! Now into my years of University I did my best to conceal and control this…especially upon my discovery of Christian dating values, which in my environment taught me to hold back on most physical intimacy. What startled me were my experiences in the spirit, the heavens, and with ethereal beings such as my friend Jesus. In moments of prayerful bliss I could feel sexual potency flowing like a rushing river up from my lower body through my head and back down. It was beautiful and fiery. On one occasion as I sat in deep contemplation at a chapel’s alter, and as I entered into my secret place of the heart inwardly, I had a passionate, racy experience with the person of Jesus, during which he explained to me we were healing inner wounds. None of these I then openly relayed to my co-believers; I mean, yeah I just had sex with Jesus…how is that going to sound? For the sake of others and mostly myself, this was not a part of my life I talked about. When I say sex though it wasn’t sex like we know normally: the bodies basically merge in ecstatic joy, as if you dance into one another and spring forth a fountain of rainbow streams. My entire body subtly vibrates in tangible bliss.
It was during a committed relationship with a guy I nearly married that a heap of sexual wounding, lower body shame and hatred started to trigger and cause physical pain in my body. Purely through the medium of this relationship my body began to release these pockets of scarring for healing. If I were a lake, pristine and beautiful, it would be as if dirty, black muck suddenly floated up to my surface. I reacted: ew!! And aside from other things, this is partly why we broke up. I couldn’t handle the reality of this pain, and I put it down to sinful actions between us, namely that we were sexually intimate. I condemned myself for not being able to adhere to the Christian principles, whilst simultaneously experiencing the immense love of God during these acts of union between us. At one point, after a wave of self-hatred, an ethereal whisper breathed through me a wind of grace, expressing how beautiful sexual intimacy is. This was all a little too odd at the time, paradoxical. One minute I read in the Bible: any staining of the marriage bed is evil, which can only mean no sex before legal marriage right? And the next, I feel my highest self in God beckoning me into the deep waters of sexual experience. I put this aspect of my life, as if a mere book, back on the shelf, and continued on. My devotional spiritual union became increasingly ecstatic as I devoured mystical writings and attended all the ‘out there’ gatherings of people keen to take the plunge into God and themselves.
And then, a few years later, something rather bizarre happened in my life, and I found myself experiencing the outer regions of the cosmos in my times of prayer…lying flat on my bed in a trance-like state. I dreamt of ETs, other planets/stars…and I began to consciously spend time with other star races. Suddenly, and I mean quite drastically, I became experientially aware of the variety of cosmic cultures and their approach to sexual intimacy. Sex was apart of everything! And again, not like how I knew physically, but as in my experience with Jesus. These cultures, existing in 5D, 6D and so on (vibratory wavelengths) I could tune into like a radio channel, but I was tangibly there. And now, here is the key point which instantly healed me of some deepest wounding and beliefs: sex is innocent. Sex is pure. Sex is unconditionally loving…healing, and all of existence is interwoven which each experience, the very movements of the universe hang on sex; the wholeness and union between man and woman. Without this there would be no life, no spring-time and no fertility. So significant is the journey of sexual union, that without it I feel my life would make no sense at all, for it has always been in my heart. And that is another point: I have always been communing on the deepest level with myself, with God, and with all that is…full circle. Communing in the purest meaning of this; common union, body, soul, and spirit. The ecstasy of fully giving myself as if jumping off a cliff, and being utterly held in passionate devotion. Have you heard of zero point? It is the measurable aspect where two elements overlap and there is a third reality, like a white hole, which opens up to something beyond our present experience. It’s also called the Vesica Pisces. Look it up. It is the act of transcendence, Jacob’s ladder, ascension… think of the Holy Trinity, there are three: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Or, Father and Holy Spirit, with the child Jesus…he represents this reality of ascension in his very being. The trinity can also be seen with; Isis, Osiris and Horus (Ancient Egypt), Shiva, Brahma and Vishnu (India). So the ancient scripture says, a three strand cord is not easily broken. The point that I am making about this is: there is a significance in the number 3, and the third point often being the child, i.e. the face of union between two elements. The sacred doorway, the narrow way, the path least trodden…
So how then has sex become a taboo topic, one never to discuss at the dinner table with your parents, and so often barely discussed openly or even between lovers? How did the feminine (feminine energy in both women and men) come to adopt shame, and what is this roaring river of potent energy exploding like magma from the root of the body through the head and back?
The doorway opened through loving sex, in my very own experience, is a direct vertical and horizontal connection with everything, and the very womb of the Universe. Hence why a child can nest itself so profoundly within a woman – where does life essence spring forth from? Sex mirrors and is an act of union with the Divine, with God, with all, and with one’s self. If problems, memories, seemingly random thoughts trigger during sexual activities, then this is usually because this intimacy is a centre point for everything that you are. Certain things surface, and in loving union can easily be healed, transformed, and released. And not just your personal matters, but throughout the web of consciousness of our humanity and beyond even. Because, remember, we are all so intricately connected, whether we are consciously aware or not. This is what sex shows me. This is why sex was suddenly brandished as shameful, the woman scarred as unbalanced and misled (think of Eve and the apple), and sex as a practice of worship and divine union was blocked out and removed from many ancient writings/common history…the power of sex is the experience of union with God, and hence sovereignty in God, freedom from authority and wielding powers. Devotional sex removes the veil between the physical and ethereal realms, through which you perceive all is One in Love. Consequently, one becomes a living walking fountain of miraculous Life, pouring out love, creative ‘miracles’, the very face of Heaven, the frequency of pure bliss in union with Mother and Father God/Goddess.
I do not know what the pure radiant expression of this pure Life force would really look like, because like you I am on the journey. But I have tasted of this sacred grail, and I am undone by this beauty within me and without. The force of energy itself is something I’d like to write much more about, but put simply: is in my experience the very original energy of creation, the Shakti, the Divine Feminine, the Holy Spirit, the Seraphim, or the Kundalini…and for some that might sound like something much too controversial. And yes, it is. For in the burning flames of this consuming passion, one’s whole life is shaken upside down and irreversibly transformed in love. Such has been and is my humble pathway of discovery. And so, when I say life is about love-making, life is itself all about this; whether it’s the act of being present as a friend tells you about their day, or being in the act of sex with your lover. Each and every moment is an open doorway to the sheer surge of life within you, the point of origin in the womb of your Source. Divine union opens the floodgates to the well of who we are, our golden untarnished selves, and offers to pour this throughout our lives, our communities, our planet and all that is. In this rapid flow we begin to remember who we are, and crescendo into an emergence of our sovereign, shining, exuberant creator selves, images of both God and Goddess, weaving the dance of life as we become oases of Heaven on Earth.
This is really just a small snippet of the vastness of sex and union, there is so much my heart longs to express! I would like to write a lot more on this, sharing deeply of my research and revelatory excerpts. On a historical level, the theme echoes from the earliest recorded history of our age, harking back to for example; tantric practices of the east, Goddess temples in the middle-east, Celtic worship of the Goddess in Europe. For now, if this strikes your heart, I would recommend some further research, and can suggest various links if you like – feel free to message me.
With deep love and gratitude for you!