Life sex

Life is about making love.

What does that sentence convey?

It is a thought I have been meditating on.

Sexual energy, intimacy, union have been core parts of my life for a long time, as I’m sure they are for many too. As a child there were images of idyllic romance and exaggerated sometimes odd scenes of love making flashed across the telly, and I would think: how embarrassing. That pretty much sums up my reaction to sex and physical intimacy as a child and teen. I was freaked. It felt also shameful. So, I was quite happy to play with the idea of being a nun for a while, and stuck to studying. My mum faithfully talked me through the proper precautions to all such sexual activities before I left home to university, during which I thought: no I can’t see how I’m actually going to go through with this. What was it that put me off? Disconnection with myself, the shameful female organs, and a lack of confidence that I have any idea what I’m doing.

I jumped around with the idea as I dated various guys, dipped my toe in a couple of times, and then got painfully heart broken. So again, I found myself considering perhaps it’s safer to hold this part of me back. Nevertheless, what I haven’t already mentioned to you is that from year 9 or 10 of my current human existence I could feel the pulse of an energy moving through me, and it was most definitely sexual! Now into my years of University I did my best to conceal and control this…especially upon my discovery of Christian dating values, which in my environment taught me to hold back on most physical intimacy. What startled me were my experiences in the spirit, the heavens, and with ethereal beings such as my friend Jesus. In moments of prayerful bliss I could feel sexual potency flowing like a rushing river up from my lower body through my head and back down. It was beautiful and fiery. On one occasion as I sat in deep contemplation at a chapel’s alter, and as I entered into my secret place of the heart inwardly, I had a passionate, racy experience with the person of Jesus, during which he explained to me we were healing inner wounds. None of these I then openly relayed to my co-believers; I mean, yeah I just had sex with Jesus…how is that going to sound? For the sake of others and mostly myself, this was not a part of my life I talked about. When I say sex though it wasn’t sex like we know normally: the bodies basically merge in ecstatic joy, as if you dance into one another and spring forth a fountain of rainbow streams. My entire body subtly vibrates in tangible bliss.

It was during a committed relationship with a guy I nearly married that a heap of sexual wounding, lower body shame and hatred started to trigger and cause physical pain in my body. Purely through the medium of this relationship my body began to release these pockets of scarring for healing. If I were a lake, pristine and beautiful, it would be as if dirty, black muck suddenly floated up to my surface. I reacted: ew!! And aside from other things, this is partly why we broke up. I couldn’t handle the reality of this pain, and I put it down to sinful actions between us, namely that we were sexually intimate. I condemned myself for not being able to adhere to the Christian principles, whilst simultaneously experiencing the immense love of God during these acts of union between us. At one point, after a wave of self-hatred, an ethereal whisper breathed through me a wind of grace, expressing how beautiful sexual intimacy is. This was all a little too odd at the time, paradoxical. One minute I read in the Bible: any staining of the marriage bed is evil, which can only mean no sex before legal marriage right? And the next, I feel my highest self in God beckoning me into the deep waters of sexual experience. I put this aspect of my life, as if a mere book, back on the shelf, and continued on. My devotional spiritual union became increasingly ecstatic as I devoured mystical writings and attended all the ‘out there’ gatherings of people keen to take the plunge into God and themselves.

And then, a few years later, something rather bizarre happened in my life, and I found myself experiencing the outer regions of the cosmos in my times of prayer…lying flat on my bed in a trance-like state. I dreamt of ETs, other planets/stars…and I began to consciously spend time with other star races. Suddenly, and I mean quite drastically, I became experientially aware of the variety of cosmic cultures and their approach to sexual intimacy. Sex was apart of everything! And again, not like how I knew physically, but as in my experience with Jesus. These cultures, existing in 5D, 6D and so on (vibratory wavelengths) I could tune into like a radio channel, but I was tangibly there. And now, here is the key point which instantly healed me of some deepest wounding and beliefs: sex is innocent. Sex is pure. Sex is unconditionally loving…healing, and all of existence is interwoven which each experience, the very movements of the universe hang on sex; the wholeness and union between man and woman. Without this there would be no life, no spring-time and no fertility. So significant is the journey of sexual union, that without it I feel my life would make no sense at all, for it has always been in my heart. And that is another point: I have always been communing on the deepest level with myself, with God, and with all that is…full circle. Communing in the purest meaning of this; common union, body, soul, and spirit. The ecstasy of fully giving myself as if jumping off a cliff, and being utterly held in passionate devotion. Have you heard of zero point? It is the measurable aspect where two elements overlap and there is a third reality, like a white hole, which opens up to something beyond our present experience. It’s also called the Vesica Pisces. Look it up. It is the act of transcendence, Jacob’s ladder, ascension… think of the Holy Trinity, there are three: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Or, Father and Holy Spirit, with the child Jesus…he represents this reality of ascension in his very being. The trinity can also be seen with; Isis, Osiris and Horus (Ancient Egypt), Shiva, Brahma and Vishnu (India). So the ancient scripture says, a three strand cord is not easily broken. The point that I am making about this is: there is a significance in the number 3, and the third point often being the child, i.e. the face of union between two elements. The sacred doorway, the narrow way, the path least trodden…


So how then has sex become a taboo topic, one never to discuss at the dinner table with your parents, and so often barely discussed openly or even between lovers? How did the feminine (feminine energy in both women and men) come to adopt shame, and what is this roaring river of potent energy exploding like magma from the root of the body through the head and back?

The doorway opened through loving sex, in my very own experience, is a direct vertical and horizontal connection with everything, and the very womb of the Universe. Hence why a child can nest itself so profoundly within a woman – where does life essence spring forth from? Sex mirrors and is an act of union with the Divine, with God, with all, and with one’s self. If problems, memories, seemingly random thoughts trigger during sexual activities, then this is usually because this intimacy is a centre point for everything that you are. Certain things surface, and in loving union can easily be healed, transformed, and released. And not just your personal matters, but throughout the web of consciousness of our humanity and beyond even. Because, remember, we are all so intricately connected, whether we are consciously aware or not. This is what sex shows me. This is why sex was suddenly brandished as shameful, the woman scarred as unbalanced and misled (think of Eve and the apple), and sex as a practice of worship and divine union was blocked out and removed from many ancient writings/common history…the power of sex is the experience of union with God, and hence sovereignty in God, freedom from authority and wielding powers. Devotional sex removes the veil between the physical and ethereal realms, through which you perceive all is One in Love. Consequently, one becomes a living walking fountain of miraculous Life, pouring out love, creative ‘miracles’, the very face of Heaven, the frequency of pure bliss in union with Mother and Father God/Goddess.

I do not know what the pure radiant expression of this pure Life force would really look like, because like you I am on the journey. But I have tasted of this sacred grail, and I am undone by this beauty within me and without. The force of energy itself is something I’d like to write much more about, but put simply: is in my experience the very original energy of creation, the Shakti, the Divine Feminine, the Holy Spirit, the Seraphim, or the Kundalini…and for some that might sound like something much too controversial. And yes, it is. For in the burning flames of this consuming passion, one’s whole life is shaken upside down and irreversibly transformed in love. Such has been and is my humble pathway of discovery. rumi-love-paintingAnd so, when I say life is about love-making, life is itself all about this; whether it’s the act of being present as a friend tells you about their day, or being in the act of sex with your lover. Each and every moment is an open doorway to the sheer surge of life within you, the point of origin in the womb of your Source. Divine union opens the floodgates to the well of who we are, our golden untarnished selves, and offers to pour this throughout our lives, our communities, our planet and all that is. In this rapid flow we begin to remember who we are, and crescendo into an emergence of our sovereign, shining, exuberant creator selves, images of both God and Goddess, weaving the dance of life as we become oases of Heaven on Earth.



This is really just a small snippet of the vastness of sex and union, there is so much my heart longs to express! I would like to write a lot more on this, sharing deeply of my research and revelatory excerpts. On a historical level, the theme echoes from the earliest recorded history of our age, harking back to for example; tantric practices of the east, Goddess temples in the middle-east, Celtic worship of the Goddess in Europe. For now, if this strikes your heart, I would recommend some further research, and can suggest various links if you like – feel free to message me.

With deep love and gratitude for you!





















A harmony of Europe and the Americas, the origins of our Universe, and the alchemical form of a cacao cake

Hello there!

I am back writing and updated my blog a little. Also recently I started sharing on my own youtube channel! You can find it here.

I regularly end up with an interesting assortment of ingredients, none of which explicitly seem to suggest a certain outcome. An exciting opportunity has presented itself: shall I weave some magic to create a new, never seen before, treat? That’s always a yes, and I release the sparkly glitter and unicorns to come and play (well, kind of).

In my eyes, it looks like each ingredient is a musical note, a tone, or vibrating frequency. I consider what the concerto might sound like, how do I want the notes to play? Placing each unique, oscillating flavour together with another is like the art of match-making. In this case though, there are no getting-to-know-each other scenarios; the excitable nominees are quite abruptly merged together as one, forever married into a larger affair. So, it does leave the chef, conductor, magician or however you like to see it, with a rather significant responsibility. It is their job to delicately orchestrate a beautiful harmony for which all involved wait upon keenly. In this light the mere throwing together of a tasty cake somehow evolves to the godlike act of the creation of the universe. Each morsel becoming a planet, a star or asteroid, orbiting around another, fashioning a pleasing pattern, sounding echoed melodies.

Ripples burst out across the cosmic ocean as the initiator moves to open the door to the baking shelf. What will be let loose this time? And what geographical alchemy will occur as multiple global sounds are interwoven together as one? Peruvian cacao…coupled with English spelt flour; it’s the kind of romance which doesn’t generally occur easily without hopping countries, or perhaps internet dating. So, in this case, the new lovers were brought together by cupid’s arrow flying across the oceans between them! Or perhaps alternatively seen as the globalisation of trade, and the fact that I prefer the taste of Peruvian cacao, and live near a spelt mill. All because of me, these aspects of the universe, separated by time and space, were instantaneously reunited. I write all of this tongue in cheek as I inwardly marvel at the interconnection of life. Whilst it is on the one hand utterly absurd, on the other I feel it is acutely perceptive of greatness in the mundane and tiny. What little narrative do you have acting out in your very own kitchen, or your theatre of multiverses should I say?

The idea of food acting like musical notes, vibratory frequencies and beings in their own right calls to mind the butterfly effect of every single thing we do, touch, sense…our wonderful partaking in the global dance. Indeed, nutrition is important as it has an affect on our own universe; our bodies with their emotions and health. In turn, this affects those around us, our imprint on the planet, the air, our shared future…so, really it’s not entirely eccentric to consider the interplay of the ingredients we eat, and the way they are farmed, produced, traded and sold.

This is a contemplation which caught my eye, stemming from my interest in the balance of natural wellbeing. Hence, it is why I have been diving into creating all sorts of new, colourful concoctions of foods, potions of powders, elixirs of herbs…on a very small scale at home. I am playing with my imagination in the form of nutrients. I am a novice, with an intuitive heart. The word alchemy I chose to use as it paints a beautiful picture for me: the careful, intentional unity of two or more elements, gracefully weaved by a loving creator who sets his/her heart and mind to be attuned to the subtle energies of the elements at play, and their journey towards union. We infuse the subject at hand with our own energy, emotion, blessings and intentions. Priceless gold is formed from presence and awareness of what we lay our hands to.


And so, let me share with you a recipe of harmony and stability: this is a supportive food for energy, protein, nutrients such as magnesium, healthy fats and has a low sugar content. To my delight the off the cuff recipe makes a gooey, fudge-like, rich chocolate tart/cake.

The following makes two circular sponges, you can either use them as two separate cakes, as you would for a torte, or place them together as a sandwich and use the icing and/or extra ingredients for filling.

Please bear in mind my estimates below are rough, as I don’t tend to measure to an exact number, such is my nature in cooking. Let go, tune into the flow, and allow the art of creating to move through and with you. By all means, if accuracy is your thing, then you can iron this out and let me know!

  • 80g cacao ~ magnesium, iron, vitamins, minerals, and…LOVE! So many great things. Did you know many of us are deficient in magnesium? Cacao is the unprocessed form of cocoa; it is not caffeinated unlike cocoa, unless you cook it. So this cake will have a bit of a caffeine kick. After reading this, I experimented and found that raw cacao didn’t give me any symptoms of caffeine. I use a lot of cacao when I’m on my cycle as it is so supportive.
  • A few teaspoons of cinnamon
  • 250g spelt flour ~ made locally to me
  • 40-80g coconut sugar (I ran out of this so only used about 40g, it was still very good)
  • A few tablespoons of chia seeds (this is instead of eggs to help glue together) ~ chias have all three Omega oils, amazing for skin, the brain, lots of things.
  • A jar (mine was 250g) of hazelnut butter (or other nut butter/whizzed up nuts or seeds in the processor). If you are using nuts/seeds you can soak and dehydrate them to help your absorption of their nutrients. I made a previous post about this a few years ago on this blog.
  • 100-125ml/g rapeseed oil or coconut oil (instead of butter, you can equally replace it with this) ~ rapeseed oil is something I discovered made locally, which is high in Omega 3 and tastes so good, it can also be heated to high temperatures. Coconut oil is full of protein and vitamins/minerals. I used rapeseed in this recipe as I didn’t have any coconut at the time. I try to avoid using coconut if making for other people less used to alternative/vegan cakes, as the coconut taste can be surprising.
  • Water (as much as needed, at least as much as oil)
  • A few tablespoons of pomegranate syrup
  • A tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
  • A teaspoon or two of salt
  • 3-6 bananas for the ‘icing’, or: butter of your choice mixed with however much powdered sugar/sweetener you like

I used all organic ingredients where possible *

How to! Basically add everything in together, apart from the icing. I tend to add all the dry ingredients first and give them a good mix. Let the blending begin. And then I added in the oil, a bit at a time as I wasn’t sure how much I’d need. The oil makes it more lubricated so it feels freer to stir in. Pour the water in gradually, the idea is that the cake mixture isn’t too liquidy but is a liquid enough consistency that it is like a very thick cream. Using spelt, buckwheat and other non-wheat flours can create a rather stodgy mixture, so just add as much water as you feel. Because I ran out of sugar there was a need to add something extra rich and special, so I consulted our last jar of hazelnut butter, which sort of makes this a nutella cake! If you want more sweetness you can pour in extra sugar, honey, maple syrup …the lot! And you can still add nuts too. It obviously just changes it from a deep rich more mature flavour, to a more palatable deep rich flavour if you’re not used to cakes with lower sugar. I like to use sweeteners with lower GI than cane sugar, as I sense the sugar high/low quite strongly. Coconut sugar is fairly low, and fruit syrups such as maple, rice bran are really good. I haven’t used Lucuma powder, but I’ve read this is a super low GI nutritional treat, though expensive (which is mainly why I haven’t tried it!). Lucuma doesn’t leave its home countries in South America in full-fruit form, but is only exported as a powder, I think as it is so highly prized.

Have the oven on about 150 degrees C (mine is a fan oven). Pour out the mixture into either one big cake tine, or two sponge tins. Make sure you oil these first so they don’t stick. I baked mine for between 20 and 30 minutes, and kept checking with a knife to ensure they didn’t exceed the fudgy state. Let them cool off a little, then you can add the icing to each one, or make a sandwich cake. You can make the icing either purely out of mashed bananas, a little oil and salt, or with a form of butter and sugar. Et voila, two delightfully nutritious treats! I’d love to hear how you find them and definitely play around with the recipe, splash out and orchestrate something uniquely you. You are in harmony with all that is!


*I love to use all organic/non-GMO ingredients where I can. I also look to source from local businesses and locally grown. The origin of our foods, and other items, is a huge contributor towards our/others’ wellbeing, business growth and our natural environment. This is another topic to dive into, but in a nutshell, locally grown food can help attune us to our immediate environment and hence stabilise or ‘ground’ us, assisting in de-stressing. Investment turns towards local community and business, which consequently can generate all-round abundance in the locality. The pollution and cost to us and the environment can be limited if we source staple foods more locally, and luxurious choices from across the seas. International trade is great, but perhaps not for every day essentials which we could actually just grow or produce closer to home. Quinoa is a good example: I long believed it could only be produced in South America and neglected buying it as it is often not fairly traded. I was excited to find a business in the next-door county who actually grow their own organic quinoa, a cutting edge breakthrough!